Small Talk
by the-time-goddess-of-221b
Summary: A little collection of conversations between Sherlock and John (and sometimes other characters) via text message. Some short stories my be included in the future. Will be some Johnlock. All suggestions are most welcome :) Rated T for mild language and some implied things.
1. Acid

**A/N: So these are just going to be some short conversations between Sherlock and John (although some other characters could be included in the future). I would love any suggestions for what the next conversation should be so please leave one in a review! :D**

* * *

_1. Acid_

John. -SH

John! -SH

JOHN! -SH

Yes alright Sherlock what is it? I'm at work. -JW

I need you to go out and get me some things from the store. -SH

Sherlock I'm working, I can't get up and leave just to go get you some stupid groceries. -JW

Why not? As far as I know no one is preventing you from doing exactly that. -SH

Because I'm actually working that's why. You know that thing where someone commits to doing a job for someone and receives money for it? -JW

Sarcasm doesn't suit you John. And it does nothing to prove your point. -SH

Can you please go to the store? -SH

No Sherlock I can't. And stop texting me, I have to get back to work, I've got patients waiting. If you need them so badly get off your lazy ass and get them yourself! -JW

I can't. -SH

Somehow I get the feeling that it's not that you can't, you just won't. -JW

No, John, I mean I physically can not go get them. -SH

Oh no, do I dare ask why? -JW

Currently my right foot is stuck in the wall. -SH

How- no actually, I don't even want to know. Ok fine, I'll be there in 5. -JW

Might want to make it 3, I think one of my experiments is starting to bubble over. -SH

Shit. Please tell me it's not the acid one. -JW

Difficult to tell at this distance but judging from the smell and the fact that there is now a small trace of smoke coming from the table I would venture to say yes, it is. -SH

I swear, you are going to be the death of me. On my way. -JW


	2. Jumpers

**A/N: So are you liking them so far? I've never tried writing like this before so tell me what you think in a review ;) Anyway enjoy!**

* * *

_2. Jumpers_

Sherlock what the hell have you done to my jumper?! -JW

That depends, which one? -SH

The black and white striped one. It's completely unraveled at the hem and large sections of the left sleeve are missing! -JW

Why do you ask? Have you destroyed my other jumpers as well? -JW

That depends on your definition of 'destroyed'. Personally I think they have been much improved. -SH

In response to your original question I needed the fabric to compare the composition of it to the composition of the dead banker's undershirt. If they are similar then it was the brother. -SH

Was it him? -JW

No. -SH

Right. Hey what about my beige one then? Why is there a big smiley face drawn on it with permanent marker? -JW

I got bored. -SH

So you decided to draw on my clothing. Charming. -JW

Strange I didn't think of it as 'charming' whatsoever. In fact I was certain that it would make you rather upset. But then again you are always somewhat unpredictable John, what all your silly emotions and such. However I am glad that you found it so amusing. -SH

... -JW

Ah I see. Sarcasm. -SH

You are impossible. -JW

And if I ever find you messing with my clothing again I will personally dump every single one of your experiments out the window. -JW

I would like to see you try. -SH

Don't test me, Sherlock. -JW

... Alright. I will refrain from using your clothing in future experiments. -SH

And? -JW

I'm assuming you are asking for an apology. Fine, I'm sorry. There I said it. -SH

Good. I'll see you later than. -JW

See you later, John. -SH


	3. WRONG

**A/N: Johnlock chapter! This conversation takes place about a month after The Fall, so sorry about the feels :/ (Sorry this one is so short guys I'll try to make the next one longer to make up for it ;D)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_3. WRONG_

Sherlock. -JW

Sherlock please answer. -JW

Come on please Sherlock, I'm actually begging you now. Just come home. -JW

What am I even doing, you're dead. You'll never actually see these. -JW

Well if you're never going to see these than I can finally say it. -JW

I love you. -JW

I bet you never even thought of that when you jumped did you? That probably never even crossed your mind, that losing you would hurt me this much. -JW

Why did you jump Sherlock? You had never cared about other people's opinions of you before, why start caring then? –JW

I love you Sherlock. But you'll never know that because you had to go and jump off that bloody building and kill yourself. -JW

WRONG -SH


	4. Hedgehog

**A/N: Here's a cute little fluff chapter for all you lovely people. HUGE thanks to everyone who has followed, favorited, or reviewed!**

**Enjoy! :D**

* * *

_4. Hedgehog (as requested by a friend)_

Sherlock, what's going on. You're up to something. -JW

I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about John. -SH

Don't give me that. Yesterday when I came home there were little pellets of crap on the table and now when I opened my laptop at work I find little scratch marks all over the screen. Is this some kind of experiment of yours? -JW

... -SH

Oh no, what did you do?! -JW

Nothing bad -SH

Sherlock. What. Did. You. Do? -JW

I have a pet. -SH

You have a WHAT? -JW

A pet, John. It's a little creature that I let live in our flat and I feed it and take care of it. -SH

When did you get a pet? No, that's not the most important question right now, WHAT is it? -JW

It's a hedgehog -SH

a HEDGEHOG? -JW

Yes John, a hedgehog. I have named him Jawn. -SH

Why did you have to name it after me? And why did you spell it's name like that? -JW

I think it resembles you. You both have little round noses and from a distance you both look harmless but if you make it angry then it gets all prickly and defensive. -SH

Gee, thanks. -JW

Don't mention it. -SH

You do know you can't keep it right? -JW

What? Why not? -SH

Well you aren't exactly great at keeping things alive Sherlock. You can barely take care of yourself let alone another living thing. I don't want the poor thing to die from some horrendous gas that you were experimenting on or something. -JW

I will keep it far away from all of my experiments, rest assured. It could mess up something. -SH

No. -JW

Please Jawn? -SH

... Ok fine, but under one condition. -JW

What is that? -SH

Never spell my name like that again. -JW

Deal! -SH

* * *

**A/N: Please leave a suggestion in the reviews if you have and idea for the next chapter, want a specific topic, or even if you just want to challenge me. It would be much appreciated! :D **


	5. Complaints

**A/N: Wow! Thanks for all the reviews and suggestions everyone! I will try to do as many of them as I can, its a fun challenge :)**

**We've got Molly in this one! She signs her name as -Molly H. because if I ever write about Mycroft they have the same initials and I think -MH suits Mycroft better than Molly don't you? **

**This one was requested by SilverOcean01 and I tried to incorporate LMP collective's request as well. Hope I interpreted your request right ;)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_5. Complaints (Requested by SilverOcean01)_

Molly, I need some fresh tongues for my experiment. Now. -SH

Sure thing Sherlock! Is everything all right? You seem a bit, you know, stressed. -Molly H.

Everything is fine. Me and John just had a little fight and it aggravated me a bit is all. -SH

Oh no! What happened? -Molly H.

I would really rather not talk about it, Molly. -SH

Either you tell me what happened or no body parts for a month! -Molly H.

... -SH

TWO months! -Molly H.

... Alright fine! John came in late last night, obviously from a long trip to the bar, and he stumbled into the kitchen and opened the fridge where he found the severed foot I had been experimenting on and promptly vomited all the alcohol he had been consuming all over it. Understandably, I was rather upset with him for ruining my experiment and spoiling a perfectly good severed foot. Apparently he didn't agree. We had a short shouting match before he stomped into his room and slammed the door. I haven't talked with him since. -SH

There I told you. Now, can I come get those tongues? -SH

Yeah of course, but it might take me a bit to get them ready. I'm so sorry Sherlock, I didn't know it was that bad :( -Molly H.

Yeah well, you know how John can get. -SH

? -Molly H.

Honestly Molly? You must learn to be more observant. Whenever John has a "bad day" he tends to come home and release all his anger on me. This usually consists of many insults and/or shouting. It's become rather normal now. -SH

Oh Sherlock, I'm sorry :,( -Molly H.

You shouldn't be, you have done nothing wrong. It's John that should be sorry. -SH

Agh! Why does he always find it necessary to criticize my experiments and continuously persist in finding every way imaginable to ruin Every. Single. One. He touches?! Just for once could he not yell when he finds a body part in the fridge?! I thought he would have been used to it by now. I'M definitely not going to stop that anytime soon so why can't he just learn to accept it?! Is that really so much to ask?!-SH

... I-... I honestly don't what to say to that. I think that's the most you've ever opened up. -Molly H.

Don't worry, it won't happen again. -SH

No, no it was good! No- I didn't mean that the fight was good, I just meant that it's fine. You don't have to always hide your feelings Sherlock, not from me. -Molly H.

Are those tongues ready yet? -SH

Yes, I just finished. Just try to be more open, Sherlock. -Molly H.

I'll be there in 5 -SH

*sigh* Alright fine, I guess I can't force you. See you then! :) -Molly H.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone who is writing suggestions and is leaving a favorite or is following! More should be coming soon :) **


	6. Fanart

**Some more Johnlock for you ;)**

**Sorry this one is so incredibly short, I'm having the worst case of writer's block right now :(**

**Anyway, Enjoy! :D**

* * *

_6. Fanart_

[image.x] -SH

Sherlock! Where did you find THAT?! -JW

Someone just posted it to your blog... -SH

Good god is that US?! -JW

Yes I believe it is. I think they called it Fanart... -SH

Jesus, do people not have anything better to do with their lives than draw alarmingly graphic pictures of us? -JW

Apparently not. -SH

They're not far off though ;) -SH

SHERLOCK! –JW

* * *

**Please leave any suggestions in a review if you feel so inclined! Hopefully this writer's block will go away soon...**


	7. Snuggie

**Hey hey hey guys :) How you been? I am great, some of my writer's block is gone now so I'll be writing more again. Yay! Everyone's support on this and my other story, The Things They Never Said, has been AMAZING and I just wanted to say thank you all so much!**

**This one was a challenge, I'm not sure how much I like how it turned out, but tell me what you think!**

**Anyway, Enjoy!**

* * *

_7. Snuggie (as requested by Moffatfan15)_

Sherlock make yourself decent, Mrs. Hudson is coming over to drop something off for me. -JW

I'm "decent". -SH

Your still lying on the couch in only your sheet aren't you? -JW

No I'm not! I found something much better than a sheet. -SH

Dear god. What, may I ask, is that? -JW

A Snuggie! -SH

Really Sherlock? Did you seriously go and buy a Snuggie? -JW

Yes and it is amazing! What a brilliant idea, a blanket with sleeves! Why didn't I think of that? Now I can enjoy the comfort of my sheet and work on my experiments at the same time! I suppose even ordinary people have brilliant ideas sometimes. -SH

We really need to get you another case, you're losing it. -JW

I assure you John, I am perfectly fine. -SH

Prove it. Prove to me that you're "fine" by getting dressed. -JW

John you know who I am, do you honestly think that is going to work? -SH

Pretty please? -JW

No -SH

Well it was worth a shot. How about this, if you get dressed before Mrs. Hudson shows up I will buy the groceries for a week! -JW

You do that anyway. But fine, I will remove my extremely comfortable Snuggie and but on boring, ordinary clothes IF you let me put one of my experiments in the fridge. -SH

Sherlock... -JW

That is my final offer. -SH

…OK fine, just hurry up she's going to be there soon! -JW

Yes! Thank you John! -SH

Why do I feel like I'm going to regret this later? -JW

As long as you don't shake the fridge or bump it I'm sure you won't. –SH

Why do I put up with you? –JW

Because you love me ;) –SH

Yes I do ;) See you soon Sherlock. – JW

See you soon, John. –SH

* * *

**All suggestions are always welcome! :D More should be coming soon!**


	8. Cooking

**Hello again everyone! :3 How have you all been doing? This one was fun to write, I hope you like it! :D**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_8. Cooking (as requested by Rose O' Sharon)_

John, is that you that just opened the door to the flat downstairs? -SH

Yes, I'm on my way up now. -JW

NO! Go back down! Why don't you go back to the bar or something for a bit longer? -SH

Why? Did something happen? -JW

Oh I know! Could you go out and get some milk, flour, eggs, and butter? -SH

I just bought tons of those yesterday. I'm going to ask again, Sherlock, what happened? Why aren't you letting me come upstairs? -JW

Remember how you yelled at me yesterday after you got home from shopping for being an "arrogant, lazy, useless flat mate" and how I had never even made a single meal for myself since you moved in? -SH

Yes... -JW

You said you were having a bad day today so... -SH

Oh no, please tell me you didn't -JW

I did. -SH

Sherlock, you tried to COOK?! -JW

Yes... I must say, it is much more complicated than it looks. I appreciate what you do much more now. -SH

Oh no. From thumb in the microwave to failed bomb deactivation experiment, how bad is it? -JW

It's not quite as bad as the bomb, the kitchen is still (mostly) intact. -SH

Good god Sherlock, I can't leave you alone for ten minutes without you blowing something up! -JW

I was just trying to be kind! -SH

Yes, well while I appreciate the gesture it would be "kinder" if you just went back to being the "arrogant, lazy, useless flat mate" that we all know and love alright? -JW

With pleasure. -SH

Thank you. I'll go and get new groceries then. Anything else you need while I'm out? -JW

Yes, I'm going to need a fire extinguisher. What's left of the table just caught on fire. -SH

Do me, and everyone else, a favor Sherlock. NEVER try to cook again. -JW

Don't worry, I won't. I'll leave all the cooking to you and Mrs. Hudson in the future. I've got to go, I think the counter is starting to melt. Hurry up with that fire extinguisher! -SH

Great, just great. I'm on my way now, try not to blow anything else up before I get there. -JW

No promises. See you soon, John. -SH

See you soon. -JW

* * *

**Any and all suggestions are always welcome! So feel free to leave one in a review :)**


	9. Drunk

**I've got another Johnlock one for you! YAY! :D This one actually wasn't supposed to be a Johnlock one but it just kind of has a mind of its own and its just how it turned out so, yeah xD Hope you like it!**

**Enjoy! :D**

* * *

_Drunk (as requested by a friend)_

Hey Jawn ) -SH

Ummm... Hi Sherlock, can I help you with something? I'm on my way to work. -JW

No you're not. So come on home and play ;) -SH

Yes I am. Are you ok Sherlock? You're acting awfully strange, I mean stranger than usual. -JW

No you're not. I called in sick for you just minute ago. So come home Jawn! -SH

You did what?! This is my job Sherlock! You can't call in sick for me just because your bored! I'm gonna ask again before I get Mycroft to come and check on you. Are you ok? -JW

Awh no don't send mean old Mycroft in here. He is always so grumpy. Fine then, I'm fine Jawn. -SH

I thought we agreed you would never spell my name like that again. -JW

But I like it spelled like that! It's so cute and lovable, just like you! -SH

Alright that decides it, you are definitely not fine. I'm turning around and coming back right now. -JW

Yay my Johnny is returning! Come quickly, love, for I am bored of drinking this disgusting tasting liquid. -SH

Crap, so that's it. You're drunk aren't you? -JW

Nahhh I didn't have that much. (Oops, I just knocked over the lamp, sorry.) There's still some left in the bottle, I saved it for you ;) -SH

That was a brand new bottle! It hadn't even been opened yet! -JW

Really I'm fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee -SH

Sherlock? -JW

Sherlock?! -JW

SHERLOCK! -JW

Huh? Yeah I'm fine. Just dozed off a bit on the keyboard haha -SH

Oh God you are really wasted. It's going to take some serious time to get you back to yourself. -JW

Oops, Jawn I just knocked over another thing. -SH

What was it? -JW

That stupid vase of yours I think. It's kinda hard to tell my vision's all wobbly and wavy -SH

That was my favorite vase! Molly gave that to me! This is why we can't have nice things Sherlock! -JW

Hehe, you get so cute when you're mad :3 -SH

Sure whatever. Just don't move for a few more minutes. I'm almost home. -JW

Yay my doctor is coming for me :D -SH

We need to have a serious talk about this later. But for now just sit still, I'm on my way up. -JW

* * *

**Hehe that one was fun to write :3 As always if you have any suggestions leave them in a review for me please! Thanks for reading! :D**


	10. Jam

**So me and my friend wrote this one together at about 3 in the morning...**

**Enjoy xD**

* * *

_10. Jam (as requested by evilpiggyofawesome and a friend)_

Sherlock where is it. Where did you hide it. -JW

Hide what John? -SH

You know what. Sherlock I need some, get me some. -JW

John it's three in the morning. None of the shops are open. I can't get you any. -SH

... DON'T GIVE ME THAT. I know you hid my secret stash! -JW

Well you were the one with the great idea of me hiding it in the first place John. Now you know how I feel. -SH

BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT -JW

Yes John I agree, it is completely different. Having an addiction to jam is much more serious than coke. Just calm down John. -SH

DAMN MY JAM -JW

John nothing you can say will convince me to give you jam. -SH

Try me. -JW

John you can't. -SH

Guess who's sleeping on the couch for the next month. -JW

I won't tell you. -SH

I'll post that picture of you in your Snuggie on my blog. -JW

Still not going to tell you John. You will have to do better than that. -SH

I'll send a very descriptive email to Mycroft all about our relationship in intimate detail ;) -JW

You wouldn't -SH

I would. -JW

... Fine. There's some strawberry jam left. It's on top of the fridge. -SH

...Sherlock, I can't reach it... -JW

Alright I'm on my way. Try not to hit your head on the counter before I get back. -JW

... You are in for some serious trouble Sherlock. -JW

I know ;) -SH

* * *

**As always feel free to leave a suggestion in a review! They are very helpful in getting my creative juices flowing :)**


	11. Mustache

**Somebody had to do it...**

* * *

_11. Mustache _

John -SH

Yes Sherlock? -JW

I mustache you a question. -SH

Oh no please, can we not do this? -JW

Why? Is this a bad time? -SH

A little bit, yeah. I'm right in the middle of dinner. -JW

Ok I'll shave it for later. -SH

Can we seriously not? -JW

Fine. But I have to ask, can eyebrow your computer? -SH

COME ON REALLY? -JW

It was just a question. I'll give you a while to mullet over. -SH

GAH! No you cannot borrow my computer! -JW

Ah, it seems I mustache too much of you. -SH

You know I hate these puns! -JW

Oh come on, they kind of grow on you ;) -SH

That's it. I'm never talking to you again. -JW

I'll make it up to you! Maybe we could go-t a movie later? -SH

I hate you. -JW

No you don't. I saw you laugh at that last one. -SH

God dammit Sherlock! -JW

Alright I'd love to stay and chat but I really mustache -SH

Good, thank you. And shave any more of your stupid puns for when I get home! -JW

Now you're getting it :D Will do John. -SH

Thank you. Good lord Sherlock now I can't stop laughing. -JW

;) -SH

* * *

**I _had_ to. Sorry not sorry.**


	12. Shot

**Quite a few of you asked for some Hurt/Comfort so, your wish is my command** **;)**

* * *

_12. Shot (as requested by Anonymoustache)_

John I need you! -SH

Alright clam down, what's wrong? -JW

I- I need your help. -SH

Well that's a new one. What do you need help with? -JW

Could you come pick me up? -SH

Is that all? Why don't you just a cab? Sherlock, what's wrong? I thought you were tracking down one of Moriarty's snipers -JW

Yes I was, but I underestimated him. He managed to get a pretty good shot on me. -SH

You're shot?! Good god Sherlock where are you? -JW

In an ally off of Brixton. Do try to hurry, I'm loosing blood fast. I wrapped the wound as best I could but I'm no doctor. -SH

Right, just sit tight. I'm on my way with a first aid kit. -JW

John? -SH

Yes? -JW

...Thank you. I'd be lost without my doctor. -SH

Yeah well I'd be lost without my detective. So I guess we're even. But I won't be able to come to your rescue all the time so be more carful. -JW

I'll try my best but I can't make any promises. -SH

I never expected you to. I'm pulling up now -JW


	13. Massage

**I know a few of you have been asking for some more... descriptive Johnlock stories and I got a prompt on tumblr from lordofthejohnlock so I decided to give it a go. This will be the first short story on here! It's nothing too bad but I will rate this chapter M just in case :) The prompt was that John came home to a ****_very _****stressed Sherlock and he gives him a massage, but soon shenanigans ensue ;) **

* * *

_13. Massage (as requested by lordofthejohnlock) _

"Aaagghhh!"

John heard the frustrated yell of his detective from all the way down the street. He picked up his pace and nearly jogged to the front door of 221B, fumbled with the keys, and pounded up the stairs. He ripped open the door to his flat to find Sherlock face down on the couch, not moving. John rushed to his side, "Sherlock?" He asked cautiously.

"What do you want?" Came the muffled reply, "can't you see I'm busy?"

"Sorry I just wanted to make sure you're alright." John said, placing a comforting hand on the consulting detective's back. "How's the case going?"

"Make a deduction, John." He sighed into the plush cushion.

"Ah, that bad huh?" John started to rub his hand in small circles on the slim, muscular back of his friend. He found a knot and began to work it out with his palm. He was soon rewarded with a groan of pleasure emanating from Sherlock. John smiled and introduced his other hand into the mix, rubbing and massaging the worn man's shoulders.

"Mmmmm… Could you go a little lower?" Sherlock asked as he shifted into a more comfortable position. John happily obliged and started to move his hands down his lean back.

"How's that?" He asked upon reaching the small of Sherlock's back.

"That… Feels amazing," Sherlock whispered, his eyelids fluttering, and he turned his face to the side, trying to catch John's eye. "But I think the knot is even lower."

John smiled as he saw Sherlock's mischievous expression and he maintained eye contact as he moved his hands lower still. "My pleasure."

Sherlock grinned and pulled John in closer, pressing his body against his. A deep chuckle rose out of his chest and he pressed his lips to the nape of John's neck. The army doctor arched his back and let out a moan of pleasure. John's fingers found the taller's waistband and slipped his hand underneath it. Sherlock groaned in his ear and John whispered "I think I found the knot. Why don't I try to work it out?"


End file.
